My Updates

During the period of September 2020 to January 2021, Dr Neslyn has supported five people to gain director positions, 4 director positions in U.K Gov Civil Service and 1 in Corporate PLC

Dr Neslyn has secured the coaching contract  from the Cabinet Office UK Gov. to coach 20  directors across Public Services during January 2021 to March 2021.

Building Emotional Intelligence in the Workforce - February 2021

How you show up at work is critically important and how you show up has a direct link with your level of emotional intelligence. Much has been in the news regarding the importance of diversity and inclusion, for executive and team leaders to achieve the goal of diversity and inclusion they need to have well developed relationship skills and empathy. These are elements of emotional intelligence that can be taught.

MBA Programmes are becoming more interested in Emotional Intelligence for example Sunday Times Report 7 February 2021 quotes that, we need to produce well-rounded business managers and future leaders with good appreciation of all sides of business and the development of their own personal behavioural skills.

Capgemini Report highlighted that emotional Intelligence is the essential skillset for the age of artificial intelligence. Emotional Intelligence is critical for employers and employees. Emotional Intelligence will be a must have skill for the future, with demand likely to rise and an emotionally intelligent workforce would benefit organisations and employees.

How are you building an emotionally intelligent workforce? 

Do you need help in building your own emotional intelligence and the emotional intelligence of your workforce?

If your answer to any of the above two questions is yes - Dr Neslyn will support you with coaching and digital access to your report or your team members – customised action plans and strategy to build relationships, resilience to manage exhaustive pressure, company culture, mental health and wellbeing.

The pursuit of personal and professional excellence is a cornerstone of Dame Neslyn’s work.  If you have attended many leadership-development workshops or read many self-help books, you may have noticed that there is sometimes a lack of clarity about exactly what it means to ‘be your best.’  In more than twenty years of work as a professional development coach, Dame Neslyn has found that this lack of clarity can be largely traced to one factor: whether excellence is defined in predominantly inner (that is, internal), or outer (that is, external) terms.

 It has been Dame Neslyn’s experience that asking people to pursue excellence as defined exclusively by the achievement of external goals (that is, ‘performance’- based goals) is the least effective approach.  You are highly unlikely to make lasting changes in the way you think and behave unless you feel personally motivated to do so. 

 Take a moment right now to say to yourself, “I should be my best.”  It doesn’t feel very inspiring, does it?  Now, say instead “I choose to be my best.”  You will notice that the energy of this statement feels totally different.  In this free-will, Law of Attraction-based universe, choice is power, and it is therefore in your interest to address the subconscious habits and blocks that prevent you from choosing to be your best.  When you have the courage to do this, you will be rewarded by the discovery that these are the same self-imposed limitations that are holding you back in every area of life, and it is well within your power to let them go.

The path to being your best is forged through every choice you make, large and small, every day.  Right now, you may be feeling doubtful that your own decision to be your best can really have an impact on others in your organisation.  When you take this view, I find it usually stems from one or more of the following three issues:

1) a general fear of change and consequent lack of trust in yourself, your staff, or your organisation.

2) a failure to see the big picture and the way the whole is reflected in the parts; and

3) A lack of insight, interest and / or willingness to improve yourself.  

Of these, the last issue is the hardest to address, because the most skilful coach in the world can’t help you if you are not open to change.  This is why one of the most important decisions you will ever make as an executive is to, as self-help master Susan Jeffers puts it, feel the fear and do it anyway.  

This requires letting go of self-judgement and fear of failure, which arise from subconscious false beliefs that you are somehow not worthy of our visions and dreams.  These beliefs affect nearly all of us, but it is only your agreement with them that makes them real.  The most effective leaders are courageous enough to recognize these core limiting beliefs within themselves and work to release them.  

This kind of vulnerability has an immeasurable power to inspire others to undertake a journey of growth as well.  Are you ready and willing to become your best self?  Those you lead are waiting for you to make the first move.

 Since your beliefs are simply thoughts that you think repeatedly, the first step to changing your beliefs is to change your thoughts.  If you feel this is more than you wish to take on, know that this indicates a lack of commitment on your part.  If you simply don’t know how, rest assured that the wisdom and tools you need to change your point of attraction will appear once you make the decision to be your best. 

You are meant to have everything you love and desire.

Being your best means being willing to question your most deeply held beliefs about what is and is not possible for you and everything in your life.  This is all about your relationship with yourself, which is in turn determined by the beliefs (both conscious and unconscious) that guide your every choice.  

It requires you to feel worthy of the best life has to offer, but not to feel more worthy than the rest.  Recognise that superiority and inferiority are two sides of the same coin and being your best means transcending this duality.  From that place, you see infinite worth in yourself and everyone else, and you feel inspired to facilitate an awakening of the excellence that is latent in everyone around you.

Being your best requires you to give expression to your authentic self. In this context, authenticity refers to your attempt to live your life according to the needs of your inner being, rather than the demands of society or your early conditioning. Your authenticity determines your access to creativity, and living authentically requires self-knowledge. When we do not take the time to learn who you truly are, you suffer from a lack of fulfilment that persists no matter how much material wealth you may acquire. I believe this is what Socrates was alluding to when he said: “

The unexamined life is not worth living.”

Being authentic asks you to become aware of how you interact with the world. A first step is to uncover your three personas, which are the various faces that you present to the world.  They are:

1. Your underlying persona: This is your most natural self, and the source of your deepest    motivations.
2. Your everyday persona: This is how you tend to behave in everyday situations. This persona is usually the best reflection of how other people see you, and it is heavily influenced by your social environment.
3. Your overextended persona: This is who you become when you are under stress, or when you are confronted with unexpected events. This persona provides the clearest picture of the unconscious beliefs and patterns that determine your point of attraction and is therefore very fruitful to observe.  For example, when something goes wrong, do you think ‘the universe is out to get me?’ If so, you can be sure that this subconscious belief is directly responsible for the creation of those very situations that make you feel this way.  Becoming aware of such patterns is the first step in transforming them.

To be your best, you must understand at a deep level that you are programmed for excellence at birth. In 

your early infancy, you were fully in touch with the wisdom of what is best for you, and without limitation in your ability to demand that of life. If you do not remember ever being this way, try feeding a baby food that he or she does not like. As any parent knows, the baby will reject such food, and there is very little you can do to force him or her to eat it.

Authentic self-knowledge rests on your ability to choose self-confidence, rather than taking on the criticisms of others. Self-confidence is based on your belief in your own abilities, as well as freedom from doubt as to who you truly are. Central to self-confidence is the ability to give your inner reality precedence, and to know the needs, desires, and aspirations of your soul. Self-confidence is your ability to appreciate your positive aspects and potential, while accepting your limitations and still feeling good about yourself. Self-confidence is the ability to say, “I don’t know,” without feeling inadequate. It is the ability to acknowledge your mistakes and ask for help from mentors and colleagues as you work towards solutions.

Self-confidence is an emotional component of your personality, and it is without question the most important factor in determining how you think, feel, and behave. 

According to Dr  Martyn Newman, author of the ground-breaking book, Emotional Capitalists: The New Leaders, “Your level of self-confidence largely determines what you make happen in life; self-confidence determines how you think, feel, and behave. Self-confidence is composed of three areas 

(a) Self-liking – The more you like yourself, the higher standard you set for yourself 

(b) Self-competence – the inner mirror, the power to look inwards, self-image 

(c) Self-assurance – attitude to the self.”

Clearly, your ability to be your best self is heavily dependent on your level of self-confidence. So, what concrete steps can you take to increase your 

confidence?

Start by shifting your inner dialogue away from negativity by monitoring your self-talk.  Remember, your beliefs create your reality, and beliefs are just mental grooves worn by thoughts we repeatedly think.  This is why when you really change your thinking, everything else in your life changes as well.

Steps to shift your focus:

Step 1.  Recognise and accept your feelings and pay attention to what they tell you about your emotional experience. 

Step 2.  Suspend judgement of yourself and let go of the need to gain approval and acceptance from others.  Nothing is more important than living authentically, as surveys of people on their deathbeds have repeatedly shown. 

Step 3.  Develop an attitude of gratitude towards yourself, and value your distinctive qualities.  Maybe you have already tried the practice of listing things you’re grateful for at the end of each day, but did you ever try including yourself in that list? 

Step 4.  Manage negative self-talk. Do you find yourself saying things like: “There is something wrong with me”,  “People like me can’t do that”, or “I’ve never been good at…”?  If so, just acknowledge these thoughts without judgement, then say to yourself ‘CANCEL.’  This is a simple way to re-train your mind, and it really works if you practice it consistently.  It is important not to judge yourself when you slip, for example, I often forgive regarding my long-running internal dialogue about how competent or not I am with advancing technology.

More tools for building your self-confidence:

On a scale of 0-10, (0 is low and 10 is high), ask yourself the following questions and assign a number from 0-10 to each question:

1.     Do I like myself?

2.     Am I using my strongest skill(s)?

3.     How do I rate my greatest strength?

Being your best is a natural outgrowth of high self-esteem. Your self-esteem, in turn, arises from your recognition of the truth that you deserve to be successful, happy, and respected.  It improves your ability to manage challenges that are presented to you throughout life. Begin to believe that you can indeed do what you want to do. Hold the words of Michelangelo in your heart: “In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it.”

 Let your faith in your authentic self-match this great artist’s faith in his inner vision, knowing that your perceived faults and defects no more reflect your true self than the “rough walls” of marble reflected David and the Pieta.  When you know your own worth and have faith in your ability to be your best, you set a powerful example that motivates others to be their best as well. 

Action Steps for Being Your Best

There are many tools you can use and actions you can take that will improve your ability to be your best on both a personal and professional levels.  Since you are the common denominator that determines the quality and clarity of every aspect of your life, your efforts to be your best will be successful only to the degree that you accept full responsibility for how things are now. 

 At a personal level, consider these strategies to develop your self-awareness, self-confidence, and personal effectiveness:

• Challenge all your beliefs, especially those that have a limiting effect on you. It is all too easy to accept our beliefs as true, when in fact they only have as much reality as we give them. Each time you identify a limiting belief, ask yourself why you believe it’s true.  Your responses will reveal exactly where and how your thinking is holding you back.  This is crucial because you cannot change what you not aware of.

• Understand that your job is not to create what you desire. Your job is to allow the spirit within you to help you manifest what you are. The first is about control and doing, while the second is about allowing and being. The first comes from fear (that you are unworthy to receive, that the Universe is not abundant), while the second comes from love and acceptance of Self, and trust in the unfolding mysteries of life.

• Shift your consciousness by cultivating an attitude of service. Ask yourself each day: What did I do today in the service of making someone happy, in a way that only I can do?  

• Ask yourself what you would most enjoy doing, and how you can do more of it?  Extra credit if you can find a way to do these things while also enhancing the happiness and productivity of those around you.

• Ask yourself how you can better practice self-assertion, and communicate in an honest, straightforward way.

• Build your self-efficacy by celebrating small wins, recognising small achievements, and commemorating milestones – all the time.

• Model yourself on other persons who have been where you wish to go. Watch films about those persons, read their biographies, and imitate their strategies. We are all influenced by the persons whom we are surrounded by. When you do this, you will see that the persons you admire will have (consciously or unconsciously) addressed most or even all the action activities presented above, and that this was key to their success.

 In your interactions with those you manage, consider the following strategies for engagement:

•  Let your team know that you expect them to succeed, and most importantly, that you believe they can and will do so.

• Provide your team with support and give constant positive feedback about their efforts.

• Make it clear that you are open to everyone’s views and that you welcome each team member’s contributions.

• Provide yourself and your team with challenging assignments that draw out hidden talent, in recognition that your work together is founded on a commitment to self-improvement.

• Recognise and acknowledge yourself and those around you for the unique individual talents that you each bring to your work together.

 If you not only engage these strategies on your own but bring them to your first meeting with the mentor have employed to help you be your best, then you will have demonstrated your commitment to personal and professional excellence.  It is this intention and commitment, more than any specific thing you do, that will take your life and work to new levels of achievement and fulfilment.  You are the problem, but you are also the solution.  Are you ready to do what it takes to be your best?

contact me: neslyn@neslyn-watson-druee.com